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Online dating has become less of a taboo over the past few years.

With society’s rising dependence on technology and social media, it was only a matter of time before we collectively became more comfortable with the idea of meeting our potential soulmates and friends with benefits’ online and/or on our phones. From the white men who tell me white supremacy isn’t real, to those who think I owe them an education based on my degree in the lived Black experience, I’ve grown tired of opening messages and hoping I’ve not opened a Pandora’s box of ignorance and potential triggers. But is it okay to hold my race eternally accountable for something that our ancestors did in which we had no part in and find as equally repulsive as you?

They’re not thinking about the fact that this is a widespread phenomenon.

They’re just thinking about their own personal preferences. It’s cultural, it’s national, and it’s fucking everywhere. Christian Rudder, co-founder of Ok Cupid, writes: Scrolling through Ok Cupid’s blog, you’ll stumble across a myriad of depressing race stats.

As a professional matchmaker, I’ve interviewed over 1,000 singles, and in the past two and a half years, I’ve made around 2,500 matches.

This means I have been #blessed to hear a lot of this nonsense, and honestly, most of it doesn’t faze me. I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history.

In the world of gay online dating, your race affects your romantic and sexual connections, whether your potential partners realize it or not.

Systems of oppression based on race sometimes pressure queer men of color to lie about or hide their racial/ethnic identity in online dating spaces like Grindr in order to get positive romantic and sexual attention.

racism in dating world-90racism in dating world-60racism in dating world-77

But of the 90% of the reported racial preferences, 89.9% are preferences for white people. Let’s not get heteronormative now; we’re only in the third paragraph.)Now, it gets tricky, because when a person sits down and says that they particularly want to date white people, they’re not thinking about the fact that the client before them, and the client after them, are saying the same thing.“White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else — and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively.” “Men don’t write black women back.” Their gay data reads the same: “Blacks get fewer responses.” Have you closed your browser and crawled into a hole to live out the rest of your days unencumbered by society and its bullshit yet?As is protocol with sweeping epidemics, people should start by honestly talking about the problem (see: for suggestions).But in online dating profiles he uses a common English first name and an Italian surname.He waits until he meets someone to reveal his real name and racial/ethnic identity because men sometimes stop talking to him when they find out he’s partly Indian.




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